A Prayer Journal

We're going to get a little personal today. For the November Blogathon, today's prompt is to talk about your prayer life, if you have one. As I have mentioned on this blog before, I am a Christian and while I'm a little more liberal with my beliefs about what the church should be doing in the world today, prayer is at the center of it.

When I was younger, growing up in the church, prayer to me was very much just a "Dear God, please keep my friends and family safe and don't let anything bad happen in the world. Amen." Pretty great, right? Since then, I have grown a lot and my relationship with God is completely different.

Until I was a teenager, God was just an idea, not a real person. To be honest, around the time I was fourteen, I remember being at a summer camp and having the most amazing day and then praying that night, like I always did but feeling like God didn't hear me. Like he didn't care about what I had to say and honestly, wasn't even there. That feeling scared me and followed me for the next four years. I didn't believe in God at all. I still went to church every Sunday, I still went to summer camps, but I just didn't feel it anymore.

However, when I went to college, I knew something was missing. Then, when I went to the summer camp I grew up at as a camp counselor, I realized what it was. But it was hard to get back into a relationship with someone I had tried to avoid for the past five years. That's when a fellow staff member introduced the idea of a prayer journal. I thought she was brilliant (I still do, actually). It made perfect sense to me though! As a writer, it was easy to just write everything I was feeling and thinking and hoping for and leaving it all on the page for God. Since then, that's mostly how my prayer life has been. Prayer journals have been filled and replaced over the years but the relationship with God has only grown because of them.

I also am a big fan of the "thought prayer" idea and practice that more often than not. I know that a lot of people don't consider this "active praying" and that it's not the proper way to come to God but this isn't their relationship to judge. God knows what's between me and Him and for now, the thoughts and the journal is how we do it. I recently bought a copy of A Prayer Journal by Flannery O'Connor (one of my favorite writers) and it's made me realize how beautiful these little letters to God are. How our relationship is growing, how it has changed and how it is fine the way it is. I might miss a day or two, but God is like one of those friends you can just pick up with where you last left off without missing a beat. And when I miss a day, that's where the thought prayers pick up for the in-between times.

What's your prayer life like?

What do you think of a prayer journal?

About Dressing "Modestly"

1: Thrifted Michael Kors | 2: Owls | 3: Puppies in the Snow | 4: 50 Shades of Pink!

I recently came across an blog post entitled, "Why Modesty Is Wrong" thanks to a former co-worker. Honestly, I was surprised to see this point of view, especially on a Christian-based website. As a young Christian woman, I have been told multiple points of view on what is "appropriate" to wear. But also as a feminist, I have been told an entirely different slew of ideas on why women (and men) should be allowed to dress however they want. But most importantly, as a "plus-size" woman, I have been told how I should dress more often than not by everyone.

This post; however, has finally put into words what all three of those defining characteristics have in common, and what I have always wanted to say but somehow couldn't express in quite the right way. My body, my clothes, and me in general, are beautiful, powerful and deserve (if not demand) respect. While I have a high level of self confidence that societal standards say I shouldn't, this post struck me because finally someone (and a man, at that) was putting a feeling that I've always had into a well-written piece of work. This part is what inspired me the most...

"If we can move away from the shrill condemnation of the Modesty Lifeguards and return to a positive view of clothing, we may find ourselves both more beautiful and more appropriate to living as valued persons, honoring and respecting one another. God wants every one of us to reflect him in the earth. Objectifying our beauty dehumanizes all of us. Fearing that our beauty is too much for others to handle shames us and others. There is another way. The God who became flesh wants to see our beauty. Let's dress knowing that he celebrates us as his reflections on earth." - Dale Fincher on Convergent

....

As a Christian, I am tired of being told I have to dress a certain way as to not cause men to "stumble" by looking "too beautiful" or dressing "too sexy." I'm tired of being told that I must dress "appropriately" so that my brothers in Christ do not have impure thoughts about me.

As a feminist, I am tired of being told I have to dress a certain way as to show that I am the owner of my body and that my sexuality is allowed to be expressed and if men (and/or other women) are unable to keep their eyes and impure thoughts off of me that is their problem, not mine.

As a plus-sized woman, I am tired of being told that I have to dress a certain way that includes baggy clothes and dark colors. This way, my "flaws" are covered up or just happen to look smaller because "black is slimming."

As a Christian, feminist, plus-sized, woman, I am allowed to dress as I please. I am allowed to look cute, modest, fashionable, beautiful, even sexy, if I choose. And while I understand that what I wear might cause a different kind of reaction for different people, my clothing choice wasn't about those people. I didn't think about all of you while I was standing in my underwear looking blankly into my closet and thinking the daily thought of "I have nothing to wear." To be honest, in that moment, I was selfishly thinking of me. I was also mildly considering the weather, what activities I might encounter, how I feel, and what I potentially need to be prepared for. But whatever ended up on my body that day, was because I was thinking about me. I was thinking, "It's snowing but I still really want to wear a skirt." Or "how can I dress as bummy as possible and still be within the work dress code?"

I wasn't thinking about your Christian morals, your feminist agenda or your thoughts on curves. Because it's MY Christian morals that tell me, it's what's on the inside that's important anyway and if a man looks at me and only thinks of sex, he needs more than just for me to put on a hoodie. It's MY feminist agenda that says, I'm going to put on whatever I want and it doesn't make me any less feminist if that outfit is cutesy and/or doesn't allude power. And it is MY appreciation for every single curve on my body that always makes me leave the house saying, damn, I look good.