Thoughts on Thinning

As I am writing this, I am sitting in my living room in sweaty gym clothes. I almost did not make it to the gym today (Monday) and even though I was there, I did my worst mile run yet. I just finished eating a protein bar and my iPod is still set to my workout mix.

About a week ago, I entered a contest on Instagram to win a Fabletics giftcard and I recently found out that I was chosen as a runner up. The picture I posted was one my trainer took while I squated 155 pounds, which is my heaviest to date. 

Two days ago, my trainer and I hit a wall because he wanted me to do box jumps that I know physically I could, but mentally I psyched myself out of doing. He wouldn't let me leave until I did one. I barely made that one and only did so after about 15 minutes of pouting. 

A year ago, I bought the shirt I'm wearing in these pictures and I wrote this blog post about being a fat girl. Then, I didn't realize how strong I would become in just a little under a year later. Not just physically, but mentally. You see, then I thought the stronger thing to do was be confident in the fact that I was a fat girl and being okay with it. Don't get me wrong, I honestly love myself at any size. If you know me, you know I'm obnoxiously confident. But now I'm completely different and I'm not even at the size I want to be at yet. 

This shirt was created by Tess Munster. You have probably heard of her recently because she has within the last year shot to fame by becoming the largest plus-size model to be signed to a modeling agency. I've followed Tess around the web for quite a few years now so I was genuinely happy for her, but her signing came about at the same time I had lost my first 20 pounds and had no plans of stopping. 

When I bought this shirt from her, it didn't fit. I double checked the measurements and what the size chart said and I even ordered a size up like instructed because I love the saying and the movement in general and wanted to be able to flaunt this shirt. But it didn't fit. And to be honest, it still is a little bit too small for my personal preference. This shirt is a large. 

Since mid-January when I joined Snap Fitness and really started to take my health seriously, which is the reason I started in the first place, I have lost 35 pounds. I was wearing a size 22 when this all began. By June, I have no doubt that I will be in a 12.

At this point of this post I feel like I'm rambling because at this point in my fitness journey, I feel like I'm scatterbrained. I love the results. I love feeling better and actually feeling healthy. I love seeing that I can lift heavier and heavier. And that, even though today's mile run sucked, I can run. But it is such hard work. You have to be so disciplined. And it sometimes really just sucks.

When I posted my first progress picture on social media, a lot of friends reached out asking about how I lost so much so quickly. When I told them what I have changed my diet to and that I mostly just lift, no one really believed that's what it took to have these results. But that really is what it takes to get these results. I'm not joking and I highly doubt there is any other way to do it. Your nutrition is the most important and while I always thought I was eating healthy, because I ate what I was "supposed" to; I can easily tell the difference in how I feel now.

I'm not trying to tell you to start working out and eat differently. I was very happy how I lived before, but I am happier now. And if it's possible, I have even more confidence now. I'm also not trying to distance myself from the former plus-size fashion blogger I once was. I love that girl and I love that community of bloggers. It's just that now #effyourbeautystandards plays a role differently to me then when I bought this shirt. I'm still plus-sized and my curves are here to stay. Trust me, squats make a bigger booty so my curves are not going anywhere. I've still got some chub and I'm still all about rocking a crop top or bikini anyway. My brain (and heart) will always be plus-size. I know that struggle all to well, without ever realizing what a struggle it actually was. (That confidence bug, I tell ya, she's a good one!)

Now, I just want to be able to be seen as fit. I'm not aiming for skinny. Too much of me is still very much proud to be a bigger girl and know I'm beautiful even though I'm not the "ideal" size. I don't think that will ever change about me. I'm just anxious to see what I will be like when I look back on this post in a year from now.

Fashion Forward Fridays: Spring Shoes

Since I've been bartending so much, I have been wearing a lot of flats and sneakers recently. Which has led me to fall back in love with my KANDALS and want to order something similar but bolder. My decision would already be made if KANDALS created a shoe with some sort of pattern on it, but alas!

one: ModCloth | two: Target | three: UnionJack Boots | four: Blowfish Shoes

I've narrowed down my options to these four and really like them all for a different reason. At the bar, the other girls and I all wear the same t-shirt and jeans so really our shoes are the only part of our outfits that make us look different. Because of this, I have found a new love for flats and sneakers, which is mind blowing to me more than anything. Coming from the girl who wore heels everywhere for the past five years, this is a major step.

Which of these do you like best?

Chels Wears: Something Simple

Shoes, Shirt, Jeans: WalMart | Headband: Gabe's

You guys. I have a lot to talk about. Like, I've made lists. I realize that I've taken a lot of random blogging breaks recently and I am certain that it is because so much is changing in my life right now and I didn't feel like my blog was making that change with me. So if there is some different content around these parts, don't be alarmed. I am literally the happiest I have ever been right now in my life and I'm sure some of the topics I discuss will help you understand where I'm coming from. There will still be fashion related posts, because that makes sense to me always. But stay tuned, I'm excited.

In other news, yes this outfit is super simple but it was perfect for a little Sunday funday action with MJ this past weekend. We went out to lunch and got to eat on the patio! (Yay, nice weather!) And then we went for a walk around a nearby park. Since I haven't really been blogging recently, I don't plan to go out to take outfit photos, so I'm pretty happy with how easy these were and love the look of them. Seriously, I could go on little nature walks everyday and never be bored. How awesome is this little area? When we came up to this little clearing I just stopped MJ and asked, "doesn't this look great right here?" And of course that led to these pictures. I like when he plays along with my need to see myself in pictures, ha!

Chels Wears: Green Dress & Blue Tights

Dress and tights: Target | Shoes: Kmart | Scarf: Walmart | Jacket: Deb

It is finally warm outside! When the tempurature broke to 20 degrees I thought I was going to burst so now that it's around 40 I cannot even talk about how happy I am. If only it will stick around!

How great is the color of this dress? I bought this for the combined graduation party that Eric and I had for when we both got our Masters, and I still love it more than most items in my closet. Unfortunately I have not worn it that often because I feel like it's feels very spring time and it is not often bright and gorgeous out around Erie. But it felt like the perfect item to wear when the sun was shining and the day was longer on Sunday. In yesterday's post I talked about losing 25 pounds and now I realize that you cannot really tell in these pictures either because of my coat so hopefully soon I'll be able to show you guys for real and not have to wear a coat. Fingers crossed!

Chels Wears: Puffer Vest

Cardigan: Target | Vest: Peebles | Jeans, Scarf, Boots, Headband, Shirt: Walmart

Oh man have I been awful at blogging recently! My apologizes. I actually took these photos almost three weeks ago and just never felt inspired enough to post them. To be honest, my mind has just been pre-occupied, but real life has to trump blogging at some point and every time I would go to blog, I just didn't want to. I know some people will say to write through a writer's block, but I hate seeing bloggers who clearly don't care about what they're writing. I don't think that's fair for blogger or reader, so I don't do it.

Since these pictures have been taken, a lot has changed with me personally. I no longer work for Family Video, which is allowing me to focus on my business, and has put me back to bartending a few nights a week. I actually really like being behind the bar and cannot say that I mind this change. It was just very much time for me to move on from Family Video. After two years and constantly trying to out-do myself for overall company sales rankings, I had enough and needed a breather. I'm now focusing on custom projects from clients (mostly wedding invites!!) and looking for where my next move is career-wise. I feel like a big move is on the horizon and I'm excited/nervous about that but letting God lead in me figuring that out.

I have also lost about 10 pounds since these pictures were taken, 25 total since the beginning of the year. I have basically been living at the gym and really focusing on what I eat, pretty much to the point of obsession. I don't think that I look different, you'll be able to judge for yourself with tomorrow's outfit photos that were taken on Sunday, but I feel so much better. As you guys know, I am a very confident person so my weight has never really been an issue, I know I'm a big girl and I'm fine with it. But I just really felt like garbage which is why I knew I needed to change what I was doing and I will never go back at this point. It's a lot of work and pre-planning, but I cannot imagine going back to how I was eating. Plus now I can do squats like a beast, so there's that.

What have you been up to!?